Tis True, Pom Pom, 'Tis True
by Snicklin
Summary: This was an unfinished 'toon, rightfully owned by the Brother Chaps. Preview of second chapter is up! For a better reading experience, go to the site shown in the first chapter. Rated for use of Strong Bad's favorite word.
1. Chapter 1

The fonts don't work here. Go to dijaphi. blogspot .com for a better reading experience.

"What's going on? Where are we? Why is this text in quotation marks appearing when I talk?"

"Clam up, dumpus. We're waiting for the writer to think up a name for the title of his story!"

"It's getting pwetty wawm in hewe. Hey, Bubs, is that you touching my calf?"

"You have calves?"

"Well, yeah. A calf would be defined as the back of youw awm, oh a baby cow."

"Does anyone know the way out of here? I'm supposed to be giving myself acupuncture right now."

"It's been like twenty minutes, and I'm still sitting here. Do they have a vending machine or something here that I can hit with a crowbar until it dispenses a Cold One?"

"Oh maybe a daycawe foh baby cows?"

"I have a feeling the writer isn't going to be here anytime soo-"

'Tis True, Pom-Pom, 'Tis True

**A Homestar Runner fanfic by Evan Wigton**

The transcript, plot, and characters are rightfully owned by the Brother Chaps

'Twas an agreeably hot summer morning at Free Country U.S.A., where a guy in a Mexican wrestling mask and boxing gloves named Strong Bad was dousing himself in sunscreen and laying on a towel in an attempt to give himself a tan. This guy was known as one of the toughest and most mischievous around. He beat the crap out of his dumpy little brother for a career, and was, or at least referred to himself as, an industrial quality-brand chick magnet. Many people feared him, or at least were annoyed by his acts of tomfoolery.

He also had a record for being the second best athlete in town (of course by cheating), which is where the Homestar Runner comes in; a tall, armless, white man with an underbite. No one in Free Country U.S.A. has come anywhere **near** tying his record of being such a terrific athlete. Though he is moderately gullible, Strong Bad always somehow fails to beat Homestar, even by cheating.

Anyways, back to the story.

Strong Bad settled with a glass of melonade. If anything, he liked enjoying himself on a hot summer day away from any white, armless nuisances.

_I should probably get someone to substitute Bubs at the concession stand, _thought Strong Bad,_ after I sent him on a plane to Zimbabwe…_

As soon as he thought that, along came a white, armless, nuisance.

"Hi Stwong Bad", said the nuisance, "Fancy to unintentionally wondew onto your pwopewty to say 'hi', and maybe gwumble some additional advice you won't undewstand foh a week!"

"WHO! HA! WHAT?" replied Strong Bad.

"Yeah, that's wight."

"Go away. Can't you see that I'm trying to enjoy myself?"

"I will, as soon as I say 'hi'!"

Strong Bad moaned. "Make it quick. I'm busy getting a tan."

"Oh, okay. Uuuuum… okay… um…"

Homestar's phone rang.

"Hello?" Homestar said after he pushed the "talk" button, "Mawzipan? Hi, bittew almonds! How awe you? What? No. Wait, No!" Homestar made a worried face, "No, I didn't… wait! Please!" Homestar hung up, "Oooh… look, Stwobwo, I've got an angwy giwfwiend on the hunt, I'm gonna have to see you latew!" Homestar said, still with a worried face, "Bye! Good luck twying to **get ****into ****the ****wace!" **Homestar dashed off.

Strong bad grumbled and turned over, and only just started to comprehend what Homestar said.

Strong Bad lay on the mat for an hour, and he was conscious enough to keep a timer next to him, so every fifteen minutes, he would turn over.

Strong Bad looked like sweaty, burnt toast when he came in.

"Meh mep neh meh menehe?" squeaked the Cheat.

"Okay." said Strong Bad. He gave the cheat his empty glass, said "thank you", and kicked him halfway into the dining room. The cheat yelped and flew into the sink.

Strong Bad went upstairs to get a little list of things to do in the summer, and checked "Bring out better definition in abs" on the list.

Next on the list was "Change the Macky's theme to Easter Island". Strong Bad borrowed the Macky, because the Lappy was at the fixing place.

And by the fixing place I mean the shop.

And by the shop I meant Bubs' concession stand.

Strong Bad completed the list until there was one more thing to do;

Send Bubs on a plane to Zimbabwe and steal a mat from his c-stand (CHECK)

Make Strong Mad open a barrel of melonade and pour it into an iced glass with one of those little umbrellas on top that you usually get from those Japanese restaurants (CHECK)

Lay down mat and make a big scene trying to relax with a glass of melonade (SORTA CHECK)

Bring out better definition in abs (CHECK)

Change the Macky's theme to Easter Island (CHECK)

Kick Strong Sad and make an offensive remark about his elephant feet (CHECK)

Check email with the Macky's Safari web browser (CHECK)

Write a song about the day in the life of an awesome person (CHECK)

Pretend to be exercising (CHECK)

Deodorize Strong Mad's closet (YET TO BE DONE)

Strong Bad gulped. He wish he didn't put that tenth job on his list. He wished he didn't THINK of putting on his list. And at that, he wished he didn't THINK of thinking of putting it on the list.

But it had to be done.

Strong Bad began to walk up the stairs very slowly. He walked into Strong Sad's room to get the deodorizing spray and police tape. Then he slowly began taking baby steps toward Strong Mad's room.

_Almost there_. He began to sweat already. His trembling boxing glove reached for the doorknob, closed on it, then began to turn. Slowly.

_Get ready_. Strong bad held the deodorizing spray tightly, and entered the room.

He approached Strong Mad's closet. He gagged from the stench of forgotten eggs. Then, in a heartbeat, he opened the door and, screaming, sprayed the deodorizing spray all over the inside of the closet, shut the door, and frantically ran out of the room. The smell of the closet will be stuck with him for the rest of the summer.

Strong Bad decided to clean off the thought of Strong Mad's closet with some crudely drawn violence.

He began it as he usually does:

**Teen Girl Squad!**

**Cheerleader: Dell cherry-scented mini-laptop!**

**So-And-So: Apple Macbook!**

**What's Her Face: Microsoft Windows 2000 PC!**

**The Ugly One: EDSAC room!**

**So-And-So: Hi, girls! I've discovered a book in the back of a vending machine of the library that tells us our future!**

****

Cheerleader: Whoa! Do I get all the boys?

**So-And-So: No, you get to be a barber shop quartet.**

**Cheerleader: You'd better be kidding.**

**So-And-So: No, seriously- {Cheerleader holds up a wet diaper} ah!! No!! It won't happen again!! Yes, you get the boys!!!**

**Cheerleader: Thank you.**

**What's Her Face: Ooh! What do I get?**

**So-And-So: First I'll need your birth date, your favorite food and color, and any embarrassing physical problems you might have.**

**What's Her Face: Oh, so you know Cheerleader by heart, but you don't know me after all these times you've conversed with me?**

**So-And-So: Oh, no, it's not that… {Turns around, pulls Cheerleader's diary out of hammerspace, laughs, puts diary back, and turns back facing the girls} no, not at all.**

**The Ugly One: What's my fortune?! Gimme, gimme!**

**So-And-So: Uh, yeah… just… leave out the "physical problems" part, okay?**

**The Ugly One: Sure! Okay. Here goes… uh… wooh… {Begins sweating} man, what I'd give for some random event to take me out of the spotlight right now… {Maniac wielding a chainsaw runs into view}**

**Maniac: Blaaaaaagh want some tic-tacs!!!**

**The Ugly One: Uuuh, sure… {Unexpected death sequence! A meteor fell out of nowhere and killed The Ugly One}**

**Cheerleader: {Takes book from So-And-So} Gimme dat! Hey! What's this?! It's all in Pig Latin!**

**So-And-So: Actually, it's Greek. I've been studying that language since whenever, so I can-**

**Cheerleader: {Interrupting So-And-So} We don't need our fortunes told. We have {Holds up laptop} virtual personality quizzes!**

**{Cuts to the screen of the laptop and a quiz that reads the following}**

**Birth Date**

**__/__/___**

**Favorite Food**

**Favorite Color**

**Any Embarrassing Physical Problems You Might Have**

**{Cuts to a side view of Cheerleader typing on the laptop}**

**Cheerleader: {Typing on the laptop} Let's see… birth day… favorite food… physical problems… {The text "ding!" appears above the computer, along with the sound effect} what? Barbershop quartet? Eh. {Throws laptop over her shoulder down a giant cliff} Thing must be busted. Anyways, I came here to announce the fact that one of my boyfriends works at the chocolate factory, and invited us to see how they make truffles!**

**So-And-So, What's Her Face, and The Ugly One: Signature quote!**

Strong Bad panted as if he had just ran for twenty miles. "Man! That was fun!" he thought aloud to himself, "I should probably refuel on some video games."

Later he found some game buried deep inside the couch involving beaches and negative charges, and popped it into his Fin Machine.

All day, he never really thought of what Homestar mentioned at the end of his greeting, never took the time to realize that his comic, so far, wasn't even very violent (which is how it usually goes), and he had no idea of what's coming.


	2. Chapter 2

'Tis True, Pom-Pom, 'Tis True

**Chapter Two**

The transcript, plot, and characters are rightfully owned by the Brother Chaps

The Cheat lay sleeping in the kitchen sink. He was dreaming about… carrots. To him, this seemed amusing. I mean, dreams in themselves are amusing, right?

A rubber duck on the side of the sink suddenly began to tip and landed on the Cheat's head. He jumped out of the sink and landed in the middle of the kitchen, busting some awkward kung-fu moves for the next ten minutes.

The Cheat finally settled down to see that there was no one there. He looked at the clock. It was 4:32 a.m.

The Cheat went downstairs to check on Strong Bad.

Strong Bad was usually found lying on the couch downstairs in the morning. He never actually sleeps on his bed, as he tends to litter it with clothes and potato chips.

The Cheat crept up and examined the scene; his Fun Machine sat at an uneven angle, and the controller was thrown in a bag of "Tweak-Ums". The TV had a dubious black stain at its bottom left corner, and a small bottle of melonade was on its side lying next to the bag of said Tweak-Ums.

Then the Cheat got an idea. Even though his master, Strong Bad, rewarded him for helping him cheat at things, the Cheat decided to do it just for the crap of it.

The Cheat went upstairs into Strong Mad's room, and opened the door to see what seemed like a blue and peach-colored block lying on Strong Mad's bed.

The Cheat slowly approached Strong Mad and crawled onto his chest. The Cheat then gave him a little nudge to wake him up, and it was not much sooner when Strong Mad opened his eyes really wide and belted, "Bwaaah!"

Both the Cheat and Strong Mad jumped up and looked around the room, then looked at each other, and then they both made a relieved face.

The Cheat beckoned Strong Mad to follow him down to the kitchen.

They seemed to understand each other more than anyone else, since the Cheat successfully explained to Strong Mad that he was going to dump ice cold water on Strong Bad while he was asleep, and wanted Strong Mad to witness it.

The Cheat got a small cup – seeming large to him, and filled it with water. Strong Mad gave the Cheat a "you've got to be kidding me" expression. The Cheat responded by pointing at a bucket next to the sink, half the size of Strong Mad. Then Strong Mad made a big, goofy smile, and chuckled in excitement.

They filled said bucket with oh-so-uncomfortably-shockingly-cold-once-it-touches-your-back water, and Strong Mad lifted it up. They both snuck over to Strong Bad. The bucket was so heavy with water, Strong Mad had to set it on the side of the couch and let it fall on Strong Bad.

The result wasn't much of what the Cheat and Strong Mad expected; the bucket slammed on Strong Bad, bounced off the couch, and sent both Strong Bad and the bucket flying in the air. The bucket passed Strong Bad and hit a wall, bounced off, and caught Strong Bad in it. The bucket then tipped over, and landed on its side, dumping out Strong Bad along with all the freezing cold water.

The sudden shock really freaked out the guy, and he flopped around like a fish for about thirty seconds.

When he calmed down, he looked around to see the Cheat and Strong Mad standing there, laughing louder than they laughed before.

"Alright. You guys've had enough fun for now," Strong Bad said, "I've got some new ideas for a method of bothering Marzipan by ruining her garden! I wrote it down on a piece of paper. Now if I can track it down…"

The three turned their heads in circles, pretending they were looking for the piece of paper in which Strong Bad wrote his plan down on. Then Strong Bad finally said very quickly;

"Eeeeeh, must've gotten pulled into a dark place by a necromorph." Strong Bad began walking away. "It wasn't going to be worth looking for, anyway."

Then the Cheat yelled for Strong Bad's attention and pointed at Strong Mad, who was digging in the couch and pulled out a paper with text written crudely on it;

List of stuff to do, as in, method of ruining Marzipan's lawn step-by-step

And the rest, such as what the prank requires including, what to do, and extra notes and warnings.


End file.
